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It just didn’t feel right.
(Even though nothing was “wrong”)
I once worked with a colleague I genuinely enjoyed talking to. We connected easily. Thoughtful conversations, exploring a wide range of topics.
I appreciate deep thinking.
(It’s part of who I am.)
Over time, those conversations shifted.
They became more personal.
More emotionally intimate.
Then came suggestions.
Walks in remote parks.
Picnics with wine and cheese.
Gifts.
I never felt unsafe.
And it never crossed into physical intimacy.
But it didn’t sit right.
We were both married.
And very happily married, at least on my side.
That discomfort mattered.
So I went to HR, looking for guidance.
They listened. But there wasn’t much they could do.
The responsibility was mine.
I needed to decide what aligned with my values.
And what didn’t.
So, I set boundaries.
Clearly. Kindly. Firmly.
My colleague felt hurt.
And I felt bad.
“Without boundaries, there can be no personal integrity.”
I questioned my decision.
Why strain a working relationship?
But I held my ground.
Because if I didn’t stand up for how I felt, no one else would.
He continued trying to give gifts.
I didn’t accept them.
Yes, it made things awkward.
Yes, it created tension.
And still, it was worth it.
Because alignment isn’t about comfort.
It’s about integrity.
And here’s what we don’t say enough:
✅ Boundaries protect your values
✅ Discomfort doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong
✅ Empathy doesn’t require self-sacrifice
✅ Clarity is a leadership skill
We were able to continue working together. Productively. Professionally.
But only because I chose my values first.
→ If something feels off, listen
→ If a line feels crossed, name it
→ If you don’t protect your values, no one will do it for you
That’s not selfish.
That’s leadership.
“Without boundaries, there can be no personal integrity.”
Martha Beck
American Author, Life Coach, Speaker, and Sociologist
