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I hated networking.
It was on my top 10 list of things I’d really rather not do… ever.
And yet… throughout my career, I heard it was something that was important. Again. And again. And again.
I mean – it really does have many amazing benefits:
- Grows self-confidence
- Makes you top of mind
- Gain feedback for new ideas
- Avenue for new opportunities
- Activates your creative intellect
- Expands your available resources
- Develops long-lasting relationships
Those are all things I wanted. So, I guess I had to just suck it up…
The thing was, I was so uncomfortable when I networked – I didn’t achieve any of these things.
I learned the hard way, but I literally was doing it wrong. I didn’t realize you could do it wrong…
It wasn’t intentional, but all my focus was on me. What I was going to say. How I was going to keep the conversation going. Wondering if anyone would find me interesting.
It was all “me” and “I”. That was a problem.
After learning a few things… I appreciate networking now. And, believe it or not, there are even moments I find I’m having fun! Yes… seriously!
It’s all because I changed a few things…
"Networking is not about just connecting people. It's about connecting people with people, people with ideas, and people with opportunities."
Here are 7 steps to help build a new relationship and expand your network:
1/ Focus On Giving
Yes, networking is beneficial to your career. But don’t dive into networking thinking about you. Honestly, this was my biggest problem when I started. I (unintentionally) focused on what I would get out of it.
You’re connecting with people. And all people can use some help – even people who are more experienced or have more senior titles than you.
Look to give, before you get… and everyone wins when networking.
2/ Start With A Compliment
Don’t know someone but want to start a conversation? One thing you can do is first observe.
What is on their profile? A comment they made? Something you heard them say?
Make a genuine compliment.
1. I’m inspired by people who _____.
2. Your comment made me think _____.
3. I really enjoyed when you talked about _____.
People appreciate people who appreciate them.
3/ Use Framing To Start A Conversation
Sometimes people can be wary of meeting new people… because they don’t know their intentions. We’ve all met people who want to sell us something or use us to get something. But that’s not our aim.
To help a new person you meet open up… frame your opening question. Use openers like:
1. I’m curious…
2. A question I like to ask new people I meet is…
3. I’d love to get to know more about you.
A small phrase indicating your curiosity about them can put them at ease and help them open up.
4/ Invite Them Into Conversation
Questions are the super tool of networking.
However, some questions are better than others to start. You don’t want to go to personal too fast. But something more meaningful than the weather will help you get to know them.
Here are a few of my go to first questions:
1. What is one thing that you are celebrating recently, big or small?
2. How did you get into what you do?
3. What’s something you’re excited about, that you’re looking forward to?
5/ Activate Curiosity In Their Answers
Don’t just ask about a topic… and then move onto another, unrelated question. Engage in what they said. It shows you were actually listening and really do want to learn about them.
Pick up on something they said… and let your curiosity guide you.
1. Tell me more about _____.
2. I saw you smile when you talked about _____, what do you like about it?
3. I’m curious… what does _____ mean?
4. What challenges did you run into when you ____?
6/ Don’t Build A Relationship With Just Anyone
Real relationships are not transactional. This means building a real connection with someone else. To do so… you’re going to invest time and energy. Relationships are an investment in your career, after all.
So choose wisely. People you admire, who have similar values. Someone you can learn from. Talk to lots of people and based on what you learn, make the decision whether you want to commit to the next level – a real professional relationship.
7/ Be Generous
By asking great questions, you’ll be able to understand their problems, interests and motivations.
But don’t stop there.
Offer help whenever you can.
1. Share ideas
2. Give non-confidential information
3. Connect them with people in your network
By doing this consistently — you’ll become known as a helpful and kind individual, and people remember that.
———-
None of these things is revolutionary. Or groundbreaking. But you can see how caring can make all the difference.
Try just one of these this week. Just one. At the office. Or at the beginning of a meeting. Or set a 15 min virtual coffee chat.
And unlock the value of people.
“Networking is not about just connecting people. It’s about connecting people with people, people with ideas, and people with opportunities.”
– Michele Jennae
Author of The Connectworker
