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Meet my client Lena. She’s an executive leader. She’s also an introvert who doesn’t love talking to people she doesn’t know.
But she understands the power of relationships. So she came to me wondering how she could network without being a version of herself she didn’t recognize.
As we worked together, she noticed something:
The thing she thought was helping her was actually the thing holding her back.
Before every networking conversation, she’d build a mental list of things she wanted to share. Stories, points, questions. She’d come prepared.
And in the conversation, she’d share them.
All of them.
But the more she talked, the more the other person shut down.
Not because she wasn’t interesting.
Because there was no space.
Here’s what most people would tell her:
Be more outgoing.
Ask better questions.
Show up more confidently.
“The biggest communication problem is that we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.”
Here’s what I revealed instead:
The problem isn’t that you’re talking too much. It’s that you’re filling the room.
In any conversation, but especially across power, status, or unfamiliarity, silence does something most people don’t realize.
It signals confidence. It invites the other person in. It tells them their thinking matters as much as yours.
When a high performer fills every pause, they’re often trying to add value. What actually happens is the opposite: the other person stops contributing, stops connecting, stops investing in the exchange.
The silence isn’t the absence of connection.
The space is the connection.
Lena tried it. Instead of rushing to fill every pause, she let the silence breathe. What happened surprised her.
Conversations became more meaningful.
She remembered more about the other person.
Following up felt natural instead of forced.
Networking, something she used to dread, started to feel like something she could actually do as herself.
Not because she said more.
Because she finally let space exist.
A key question worth sitting with:
- Where am I filling space that’s actually meant to be left open?
The most powerful thing you bring to a conversation isn’t always what you say.
Sometimes it’s the silence that invites someone else to speak.
“The biggest communication problem is that we do not listen to understand.
We listen to reply.”
Stephen R. Covey
American Educator, Author, Businessman, and Speaker
