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I take in a shakey breath as I’m introduced to a conference room of 40 people at work. I’m a coach at an Asian leadership training and I only have a 15-minute segment… but I’m still nervous.
The pit of my stomach is doing flip-flops and I can’t stop my entire body from trembling. I pray that people can’t see my notecards quivering. As I introduce myself, I know my voice is too soft, even with the microphone.
But I do it anyway. I stand up, and I speak.
And then I found ways to do it again… and again.
"If I went back to college again, I’d concentrate on two areas: learning to write and to speak before an audience. Nothing in life is more important than the ability to communicate effectively."
“You are such a great speaker!” people tell me after a conference talk or one of my masterclasses.
But that wasn’t always the case. In fact… I was actually terrible. And I can’t say I found it a pleasant experience either. I am most comfortable in 1:1 situations, without an audience.
However, I did see speaking as a challenge. And I knew that if I wanted to increase my impact and make even more of a difference… being seen and heard is important.
So… how did I go from timid and shaking to confident and engaging?
Feedback.
But not by asking others. By watching myself.
I record myself when I practice, and watch it.
And every time I speak, I record it and watch it afterward. Even if it is an iPhone propped up against a glass on the table. In fact… I still do this. With every “Live with Laura” I post on LinkedIn. After speaking at events and training. I rewatch the video.
Why is this so important?
Because you want to know your audience’s experience – which is very different from your experience as a speaker.
The impact you have has a lot more to do with how you show up (voice & body language) than it does with what you say. Our brain uses voice (the sound, not the words), facial expressions, and body language as communication input. In fact, this part of the brain is older than the part we use to process words.
Watching your video gives you feedback on how you use your voice. Is it strong and clear? Or is it monotone?
Watching gives you feedback on your body language. Are you holding your body in a confident pose? Do you use facial expressions to engage?
You can’t know these things without watching and hearing yourself.
It can be uncomfortable doing this. Especially in the beginning when you don’t have the skills strengthened yet. It’s hard to watch yourself not be as good as you want to be.
But the thing is… the only way to get better is to know what you’re doing right now.
As you watch the video, look out for these things:
1. What you’re doing well.
Our brain has a negativity bias and we want to look for what we’re not doing right first. But you can easily get overwhelmed with everything you think you’re not doing well – and give up (I’ve felt this!). This is a learning journey. And you need fuel for this trip. Acknowledging that you are doing some things well is the fuel to keep you going. Celebrate the progress you make. And make sure you keep doing them!
2. One thing that would make your speaking even better.
This helps you face the hard truth of where you want to improve. But… you need to focus on only one thing at a time. Our brain can’t handle thinking of more than one thing besides what you’re speaking about, while you’re speaking. I know the desire to want change so many things… but patience and focus will get you farther, faster.
Start small. Record yourself in your next zoom meeting.
But then commit to watching it and looking for those 2 pieces of feedback.
Make this a habit… and before long, you’ll be showing up as a confident leader.
And others can see you as the leader you and I both know you already are.
Happy recording!
“If I went back to college again, I’d concentrate on two areas: learning to write and to speak before an audience. Nothing in life is more important than the ability to communicate effectively.”
– Gerald Ford
38th President of the United States
