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“Don’t try so hard.” – Advice from my son’s drum teacher one week.
And I have to admit… I was confused when he first said it. Isn’t trying how we get better at things?
I had to chew on this before I understood the wisdom.
He had been working on this particular song for months (All The Small Things, by Blink 182).
They’d broken the song down into pieces and learned each part. He was putting it all together.
My son knew what he had to do… but he was trying so hard that he was forcing the notes.
He was thinking ahead so much, he was missing the beats he was on.
His teacher gave my son permission to relax, enjoy what he was doing, and trust that he can.
"When you try too hard, you end up hiding the real you."
And the next attempt, he played the best he ever had.
I remember trying so hard at work. Trying to do my best. Trying to do so much.
And yet, with all that effort… I wasn’t where I thought I’d be.
I realize now, I felt like I had to be “on”. I was so aware of what others may think.
My moves and words were calculated. I tried to look and sound professional.
But I was trying too hard.
What I thought was helping me, was actually holding me back.
All this trying prevented me from:
– Sharing more of my thoughts and ideas
I would overthink whether or not I should speak. Or which ideas to bring up. Or if I was speaking too much, or not enough.
– Truly, authentically connecting with other people
I was focused on how I looked and how I sounded. This prevented me from really listening and seeing the other person.
– Zooming out beyond just me, and seeing the bigger picture
I was so focused on me, I wasn’t fully aware of team & sponsor dynamics, and how the project fit in and was prioritized (or not) in the organization.
And these are the things that demonstrate leadership in the workplace.
Stop trying… and start trusting that you will do great work.
Be fully present in that moment, with the people around you.
You will “perform” the best you ever had.
Don’t Try…. Trust.
“When you try too hard, you end up hiding the real you.”
– Kirk Douglas
American actor and filmmaker
