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Did you know the brain actually turns off its empathy switch? (Yes, yours and my brain too).
It’s called the “Empathy Gap” and happens for people we see as our ‘enemies.’
Ok… enemy is a rather strong word. In the workplace, it looks more like the ones that make us annoyed, frustrated, and just plain angry.
You know those people…
– the ones that shut down your ideas
– the ones that get in the way of your progress
– the ones that have an “agenda” that doesn’t include you
In these situations, the brain actually mutes the empathy signal – without you realizing it. It’s that muting that prevents us from putting ourselves
in the other person’s shoes.
The brain thinks this is helping you – creating more distance between the two of you. Giving you safety from this potential threat.
However, as a leader… being able to bring people together is a key skill, especially during times of conflict.
"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious."
To push past the brain’s automatic response, I do these 3 things:
1. Pause.
Your brain is on autopilot, and when you pause, you create the space to consciously choose your next action.
2. Get Curious.
Instead of going with the assumptions your brain will throw your way… start to wonder what the other person knows that you don’t. I always look to
learn something from every conversation I have. Curiosity opens your mind to engage.
3. Ask Open Ended Questions.
Start asking questions. “Tell me more… what’s been your experience?” “What makes you worried about this?” “How can I help you with that?”
Empathy connects you to another person – understanding where they’re coming from. Asking questions, with curiosity (not accusations) is the most
powerful and effective way to gather that information and strengthen that bond – even if you have differing views.
Your brain is a powerful tool… but sometimes it can work against you, thinking it’s keeping you safe.
But expansion does not happen when you stay in the realm of safety.
Choose to break free.
Choose to connect.
“I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.”
– Albert Eistein
German-born theoretical physicist
